j' taime.

not again!

2010-03-24T15:22:00.004+10:00

this was long overdue anyway (:

smiley.

2009-07-26T17:33:00.004+10:00

ahh.. :)

the good thing about crashing is that you're over and done with the next moment afters. the best thing about crashing though is knowing that you have people who love you be there for you.

hmm.. :)

i am planning a surprise and i hope all goes according to plan.
weeeeeeeeeeee! ooh, and i can't wait for 6PM.

i hate july.

2009-07-25T01:36:00.004+10:00

and then it finally happened. i wonder if this is what it feels like to get run over. i thought the first crash would hurt the most. apparently, not. the pain seemed to multiply with the second, the third, the fourth, and so on.

but right now... right now, the pain has taken a life of its own. no longer do i feel the pain for i have become one with it. i feel numb. i don't know if this means that i am better. to feel pain, i'd know that i am still alive. but to feel nothing at all, am i dead?

here's to the final wreck of the day.

black rose.

2009-06-21T00:20:00.003+10:00

hello memories. it's been ages. it's okay, we're all okay.

faith

2009-05-10T12:48:00.002+10:00

till what degree of happiness do we hit before we start thinking to ourselves that this isn't real, this can't be how it's supposed to be, no one is this happy! is this the moment when we are most exposed and vulnerable? do we become skeptical because we need people to assure us that this is real or do we turn skeptical because deep down, we've never really had the faith to begin with?

fear

2009-04-26T16:41:00.002+10:00

people keep wondering why they keep chasing pavements. it's a silly thought. i mean, you don't even know where they lead to. downhill, uphill, never-ending .. ? and in some cases, you already know it's a steep path and you might fall but you keep chasing anyways. but i guess we're only human. it is in our nature to chase after our heart's desire. rationality only kicks in second. and honestly, maybe the odds are with us this time. because i'm guessing we've all been down a path where we thought we knew the destination and end up getting burnt. so why would it be any different if we choose 'the road not taken' instead? at least this time, even if we do trip and fall along the way, we'd know it in our hearts that we tried, we gave it our all, we fulfilled our heart's desire - sometimes it's all about the journey, remember? and hey, we would not lose out on expectations and hopes either because subconsciously, you wouldn't invest more in something you can't see or touch. so with minimal hopes, heart's desire burning, excitement and a huge smile on your face, i say, go chase the yellow brick road :)

muse

2009-04-25T20:19:00.006+10:00

i've been trying out sketching faces again lately. i can never get it right. i always think they don't have ANY similarities to the subjects but now i think i see a bit. maybe i'm just tooting my own horn. lol. i blame the extra time in between after work and classes at uni. speaking of work, there are so many sunny's styles that i have to remember but my boss is the sweetest. i'm glad i fit in with the people at work. anyway, here's my favourite sketch so far :)

i appreciate how despite the circumstances,
you still find appreciation in the littlest things :)

the first step

2009-04-21T00:34:00.002+10:00

i need to learn.

to learn to see things as they are. see the bad as the bad. see the good as good they already are. to learn to see the things not in the way i desire to see them as... even if that means letting go of all hope and expectations. it would be a great lesson to learn.

because at the current state i am in, i can't afford to be disappointed again. at least not now.

so yes, learn to see the glass as not half-empty, not half-full but a glass with just water in it.

out the door.

2009-04-20T11:57:00.005+10:00

just be happy it happened. just be happy you caught yourself in time.

anticipation- 5AM

2009-04-05T04:49:00.004+10:00

thanks to nanda- i may have finally found the retail experience i've always wanted & needed too! can't wait to start training on monday. i'm not going to get paid for the next 2 training sessions and of course, i'd still be under probation for the following 2-3 months .. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? i really don't care. i'm just really grateful as it is :)

and a new-found friend, er.. more like 'long-lost-now-found-friend'. crap, that didn't make freaking sense right? oh well. well yeah, so where was i..? yes, he mentioned this song. THE (for now, for me, that is) song to get your adrenalin pumpin' - catchy beat. here's to the last week of uni before the easter holidays! good luck with them assignments and exams, dear little bunnies :)

i quit!

2009-04-03T22:02:00.005+10:00

i'm laughing inside. i'm laughing at myself because i believed in you. i'm laughing at myself because i trusted you to be you. i'm laughing because you think you're stronger than i could ever be. i'm laughing because i can laugh at myself and you can't. you really just can't, can you?

to you & skeptics

2009-03-30T22:41:00.002+10:00

if you keep filtering colours, you will eventually become colour blind.

SO. currently doing my assignments in the kitchen. but every time i look up away from the computer screen, these "ghosts" keep glaring at me in the face.

HMM.

an hour

2009-03-29T03:44:00.006+10:00

happy earth hour, dear world :)

P/S: sometimes i wonder if it's worth all the trouble remembering people. they change ever so much, ever so quickly, ever so dramatically. maybe i should start remembering people just by their masks. no use trying your hardest going through the thousand layers behind it because when you think you finally understand them, they shed again. people change, faces don't.

it's been too long.

2009-03-28T03:33:00.002+10:00

it's like a song i get lost in every time i hear it. i can't recall how it sounds like after it ends but every time it plays again, the familiar melody makes me fall in love with it all over again. and i get lost again.

pieces

2009-03-25T02:28:00.004+10:00

this is so funny & unbelievable at the same time. i found my kindie mate who used to chase me around the playground, trying to propose to me. i don't know why i still remembered this piece of memory. i think it's really .. somehow exciting, strange and amusing when someone from your childhood memory appears out of nowhere, and after such a freakin' long time. and yeah, i accepted his proposal. HAHA :)

you know that chinese firecracker that people light during chinese new year or a grand opening. yes, the one that kinda looks like chilis hanging on the sides of a thin long rope. that's what the month of march is to me. birthdays everywhere and almost everyday! anyway, the presents above (wrapped personally by moi, teehee) belongs to melissa, yumi & johno. i recall leon mentioning how retro my style is - even in my wrapping style. oh well.

my saturday

2009-03-22T06:46:00.006+10:00

my saturday's been productive. and no... i did not hit the waves. sigh. i'll definitely try and squeeze in some beach time before week 6 and after of week 7. not too devastated about it because i haven't found the perfect bikini to go with my planned escapade. plus, i need to round the girls together- dire need to get my girls away from the tight clutches of the men in their lives. i wonder if i sound like a bitter single woman after that last sentence. lol :)

i got two essay outlines done! i'm on a bloody roll, watch out!

sherlene & i hit the 'met' again with mouzam and shane. pretty mellow night, i reckon. disregard the pushing, shoving, ass-grabbing, breathe in your hair and just plain ugh strangers. anyway.. in regards to sherlene's post. yes, the 'game'.

it looks like i've been picking out the same kinda guy too. the 'quiet' one in the group. the one that comes off as snobbish .. but given the benefit of doubt, maybe just way too shy. or has a girlfriend for the matter, lol. always the so-called reserved, quiet and shy one. maybe i like the challenge. maybe i like to tease. maybe i find comfort in knowing that there's someone out there kinda like me. ivan & sherlene were discussing the other day about whether they'd date themselves. i said yes. without hesitation. i'd definately date me. such a narcissistic point of view, yes? hmm, dominant personalities intimidate and interest me at the same time but i know that i'll probably never be one amongst the lot. i prefer to shy away and let them have their moment in the spotlight. however, in a case where a 'shy' one and i were put together, i involuntarily and automatically mould myself to be the dominant of the two. sigh, i love comfort. that being said, i'm not concluding that i will never be attracted to the 'loud', opinionated and ladies man kind- it just takes a lot chemistry than the usual :)

off to bed. mwuah <3

because

2009-03-20T03:11:00.006+10:00

sigh.
because i'm vain.
because my best friend is an ass but i heart him to bits, still.
&
because i can't wait to hit the beach on saturday.

which also means,
BIKINI shopping tomorrow :)

i've got a million and one things to do.
few includes:

handing out MORE job resumes
structure outlines for 4 major essays by early next week
wrap j's present
give yumi her present, lol
buy presents for 2 others
LAUNDRY, freakin' laundry!

& the list goes bloody on.

so.
how's life people?

P/S: are you feelin' this? love.

week 4

2009-03-19T00:07:00.002+10:00

my 2nd piece of assessment is due tomorrow. i'm not really stressing it since it's basically only 500 words and worth 10%. having said that however, i'm going to get it done before sleep tonight. before last year, i used to suppress my panic mode. i'd have a 3000 word research essay due the next day and slept like a baby the night before without having written even one word of it. and the next day, i'd get up at 1pm, be at the library by 2.30pm .. finish the entire thing by 7.30pm. due time was at 12 midnight. of course, it wasn't the best essay in the world but i did manage to get a credit- thank God! if you asked me now to pull a stunt like that, i'd scream, "ARE YOU FREAKIN' OUT OF YOUR FREAKIN' MIND?!" lol. starting last year, i managed to do a bit of prioritising and started research and creating outlines for my essays about 5 days before the actual due date and then finish the assignment a day or two earlier. i must say, it's an awesome feeling knowing you don't have to rush double-checking, printing, filling in assignment minder forms, etc. since then, i've been trying my best to keep up this routine :)

now back to work. sigh.

fate

2009-03-18T01:33:00.002+10:00

chemistry is probably the one of the rarest things that people could ever have with me the first time they meet me. with me, it'll take extra time (after 4-6 meets) to finally tell if we could eventually click. but last year, i met this person who, only after the first meet, we clicked. it felt so easy to talk and laugh with this person. we're few years apart, we don't quite share the same taste in music and movies, we belong to different cliques, and we have next to zero similar experiences in life. but we click. it's like exploring the world through another person. i think it's quite remarkable how chemistry works. anyway, somehow or rather we had a bit of a fall out towards the end of the year. i figured perhaps, our chemistry died along with the growing distance between us.

but today. today we accidently bumped into each other. i expected awkwardness and repetitive talks on the weather and well-being but no, we again, clicked. it was like time apart never happened. we were comfortable, we laughed, and we shared: conversations of travel, middle-child syndrome, pork, looking for fat louie, the angry cat, keropok lekor, etc. when it was time to go, i knew at the back of my mind, reasons why we were supposed to grow apart. we said our goodbyes, knowing this could probably be the 'last' time till God knows when. sigh, i miss this person. i miss the ease of being myself that this person brought. why do good things never seem to last?

the layout

2009-03-12T03:45:00.003+10:00

.. i swear the layout was narcissus's bloody fault.

P/S: thinking of watching "unborn" at the cinemas? think twice. oh, was listening to twilight's soundtrack and got addicted. i bet you'll hate it.

sweet

2009-03-11T01:39:00.007+10:00

uni has been ... well, pretty crowded. you can pretty much guess the weeks according to the number of students scurrying around uni. early semester, crowded. then the crowd gradually lessens, only to fluctuate again somewhere in week 7 when most first assignments are due. i was walking through uni today when it dawned on me that i'm a senior. can't believe i'll be graduating soon. the corporate world terrifies me, honestly. anyway, i hate that most of my classes start around 5-8pm but thankful at the same time that there's only 1 that starts at 9am. here's to making the best of the first 1/2 of 2009 aight :)

quick plug here: for those who love editing the light in their photos via adobe, you must, must, must try out adobe LIGHTROOM. it's beyond awesome! i used to do multiple layers of colours and adjusting the opacity but with lightroom, you do it with just ONE click. freakin' genius!

just a lil' bargain hunting @ Diva & pharmacies. couldn't help myself: i have a current addiction for chunky bangles and blushers. probably because i can't blush. i never do- the best i can do is the worst- flush red. lol. and i've always wanted to try out playboy's make up and at $5 per blush, i couldn't resist. sigh.

P/S: i'll be changing my layout soon. i wonder if anyone's thinking, "FINALLY!" lol.

dream

2009-03-06T22:20:00.004+10:00

i have a friend who believes in his dreams. dreams that were meant to be messages from God. i didn't really believe him at first. he tells me of his dreams and how it truly reflected what was happening and what would happen. nevertheless, i respected his beliefs. everyone is special one way or another and perhaps, this was God's gift to this friend of mine. he told me that one day, he prayed to God and asked about 'the one' that was meant for him. that night, he dreamt of her. he told me he didn't quite knew who she was but had an inkling feeling that he had seen her before. if truly she was 'the one', my friend was one hell of a lucky son of a gun. i replied that i envied him and he told me to go pray and ask God the same thing.

i couldn't bring myself to. i was too afraid. i wasn't ready.

but i did asked God to help me with something. something that has been lingering on my mind for a long time now.

and so last night, i dreamt.

:(

of tequila&long island.

2009-03-06T04:02:00.005+10:00

seriously. i'm torn between deciding whether alcohol comes with moments of clarity.. or vulnerability.. and/or stupidity. most of our experiences come with regret but what if, in some miraculous way, unearths your deepest desire and the path that you were meant to pursue? disregard all the warning signs that scream the forbidden, disregard the logic, disregard the impossible.

anyway, i just got home from clubbing with few friends. yumi mentioned how she's grown out of the whole clubbing scene. truth be told, i still enjoy clubbing because of the music, the dancing and just hanging out. i do sometimes wonder the possibility of meeting someone in the club and the success rate of that even happening. i saw couples everywhere tonight. one night stand couples (maybe), couples in love, match-made couples, accidental couples, and starting out couples, etc. i know, i know, at least i'm not alone. at least i have friends. don't get me wrong, i appreciate every single person that's in my life right now. but i can't help but wish i had someone to dance with, knowing that even by the end of the song, he'll still be holding my hand. someone to come home with, come home to. someone to crawl in bed with, tell me i'm the one even after stripped of all make up and pretty dresses. someone to kiss me goodnight, and wake up to the next day. ~~i guess it's true for me, no man is an island.~~

EDIT 1.12pm;
ALL THE SINGLE LADIES! ALL THE SINGLE LADIES!!! XD

by the way, here's a controversial song but addictive nonetheless :)

Want It, Need It (Feat Ashanti) - Plies

back in brisbane

2009-03-04T02:18:00.009+10:00

twilight.

a.k.a the time of the day immediately following sunset.

a.k.a the name of stephanie meyer's vampire-based fantasy novel, also adapted onto the silver screen.

today, after relentless searching the entire world wide web for video links to the movie and not to mention several 'fan ban' dvd stores back home for the dvd, i finally paid a good $6.50 to savour it (legally, lol) @myers. i didn't harbour any high expectations for the movie because i have seen sneak previews of scenes online and it was a bit of a let down. but anyways, i was still curious and being an avid fan of the written work, i desperately wanted to watch it, to see words brought to life.

verdict:

i thought the cast was quite the eye candy. i did expect 'rosalie' to be so much more gorgeous though (no offense to the actress, which by the way, looks so much more gorgeous as the brunette that she is in real life). despite my thoughts of rob pattinson not being really THAT adonis-like, i couldn't picture anyone else pulling off as 'edward cullen' physically. kristen stewart, i really heart and think she's one of the most beautiful woman i've seen. everyone else fit their roles fairly well.

acting-wise: well, in all honesty, i reckon rob and kristen could have done better. it could be their slight frigidness of the character's potrayal, or kristen's constant stammering and lip-biting that got me pretty distracted. it was somewhere in the middle of the movie that i felt like i finally, truly, saw 'edward' and 'bella'. i began to regret actually reading the book before the movie. it's always been that way for me, even with the harry potter books.

i must say though, the producers stayed very true to the book. given, of course, some scenes had to be re-written, but the gist of it was always there. i liked that. i left the theater feeling not entirely satisfied. the film was not as memorable as i would have wanted it to be. nonetheless, i was content that my burning curiosity was finally tamed. i do look forward to its sequel, definitely, just to see the pairing of rob and kirsten again. lol. like i said before, i pretty much despised 'new moon's' story.

i don't comprehend the rave reviews of fellow 'twilighters' who have seen it at least ~~twice~~ 5 and possibly even 7 times. maybe it's the handsome cast or maybe i'm just NOT that of die-hard fanatic. and maybe there's something i missed in my interpretation of the novel. oh well.

by the way, guess who completed her twilight saga??? :)

P/S: i can't help but wonder .. would a brunette brittany snow play a better 'bella swan'? *ducks rotten melons by kristen and twilight fans*!

P/P/S: i think i might be graduating earlier than expected ... AWESOME! :)

blah

2009-02-26T17:04:00.003+10:00

i never really realised how exhausted i was until today. maybe it's time i took a breather. anyway, brisbane by sunday night. summer study results by tomorrow.

the remedy

2009-02-19T21:30:00.005+10:00

there are people who love to play God. people who feel obligated and concerned about others. genuinely, i suppose. so they proceed to do what they think is best to remedy the situation. and most of the time, things do work out. but people fail to see their own flaws. they forget they're only human and the human is prone to making an error in judgment once in a while. they cannot foresee the complete effect of their 'remedies' although they'd like to think they know it all. this is when help spirals into unnecessary heartache and tears for the people involved. but alas, you cannot blame these people who love to play God. but can you shy your eyes away from the people who've become hurt? perhaps it's time to learn to accept the fact that sometimes ignorance is the answer.

once in a blue moon

2009-02-19T20:40:00.000+10:00

stillness

2009-02-17T14:19:00.004+10:00

i've successfully completed meyer's saga :) .. via ipod notes. that's right, i have been reading books into the wee hours of dawn on a mere 2" LCD screen. lol, the trouble i put myself through when obssessed. i have actually grown quite accustomed to it despite the continuous squinting the first few hours. it's bad, i know. anyway, i'm not off the vampire bandwagon as of yet so i decided to attempt rice's, 'interview with the vampire'. i really liked the movie so why not aye? oh, and i finally bought 'brida' by paul coelho for rm60 + . i've read (everytime i get tired of microscopic letters) till page 79 now. i quite like it so far but i'm going to save it for the flight back to brisbane.. just in case they don't have personal tvs :(

haha, i'm doing the typical- posting photos of flowers after valentine's. i love pink roses but i'm getting fond of violet ones now. they look almost pink to me. i had a pretty good valentine's. thank you, you.

here's a quote from 'brida' by paul coelho,

sometimes we set off down a path simply because we don't believe in it, it's easy enough. all we have to do then is prove that it isn't the right path for us. however, when things start to happen, and the path does reveal itself to us, we become afraid of carrying on.

click!

2009-02-13T17:31:00.002+10:00

last week my folks and i drove to Papar to visit great grandma. that's her and aunty betty. they're both celebrating their birthdays. sometimes i wonder if i could survive living in kampungs. the things i'd do: fishing .. fishing .. and well, fishing. lol. hmm, and maybe organise snail races.

that's the oldest dog of mine. don't laugh .. his name is 'puppy'. it's one of the rarest photos of him because he never looks at the camera and practically runs for dear life when one is within 1 ft of him. weird dog. yes, i realised that i've been referring my dog as 'him'.

rain's pretty much gone after the last day of chinese new year. it was raining every freakin' day before , i tell you. funny, huh. anyway, i kinda miss it but at least clothes dry faster now and it's easier to get around to places.

valentine's is tomorrow. i'm not dreading it. i've kept constant with daddy, making sure he buys mummy flowers. lol. dad's pretty clueless sometimes but i don't blame him. it's part of his charm. bugger! dinner reservations! forgot about that. crap. crap. crap. anyway, am off. happy valentine's day to everyone in advance! :)

snippets

2009-02-05T22:57:00.003+10:00

i don't know why but i rarely go crazy with the camera as i do in brisbane, here in KK. anyways, here's a few about CNY. ooh, i went through music CDs i burnt 1/2 years ago and am loving lionel richie's 'i call it love' again. catchy melody :)

mum, dad & i

grandma, grandpa & i

my youngest cousin, jason

joanne, my cousin who is sweet16 this year

camwhore/ drunk girlfriend/ best friend & i

friends: dayze, aaron, gloria, nazman, adam & lee swee chee

pissy people.

2009-02-05T16:20:00.002+10:00

take a cue from disney,

if you can't say anything nice,
DON'T say nothing at all.

seriously.

cups of tea

2009-02-02T14:08:00.004+10:00

i think i made a mistake buying fresh&white's applemint flavoured toothpaste. smells great but the second it enters my mouth, it feels like candy gone soft and melted. ugh. mental note to self to stick to mint flavour, period.

anyways, been humming to the sweet melodies of khalil fong. i like. nevermind not understanding a word of his entire album, apart from the 1st track entitled, 'sing-a-long' (quite a cute song, this one). you should check out his album if you want a short break from all them hiphop, r&b, rock, alternative scene. of course it's pop, but soul-pop i guess. sunday afternoon music, i call it.

looks like i won't be reading a word of meyer's saga until i hit borders in brisbane again. called up bookstores all over kk but to no avail. boo :( but it's ok.. for now. mum decided to rekindle with her old flame- TVB dramas. yes, i've been stuffing myself with back-2-back episodes of 'gem of life' every night before i sleep. i'm not addicted it to it, noooo ;)

alright, i'm off. meeting dayze in a bit for the annual sticky pic ritual. she's flying off tomorrow. i'll miss her. dang, i feel like good old fashioned bah kut teh now.

the ride home

2009-01-29T02:20:00.001+10:00

my entire 6 hour + plane ride came to a culmination of vampires, werewolves & forbidden love. yes, instead of my usual diet - cosmopolitan, SHOP and celebrity gossip magazines, i decided to pick up stephanie meyer's critically acclaimed saga "twilight". (and NO, she will never be the next j.k. rowling.. sorry, just had to get this in here somehow.) i have to say, despite all the mixed reviews online, i would go as far as to say i fell for 'twilight'. it's that bad of an infatuation that i even have a song that i listen to every time i get to scenes of edward & bella. exactly as a friend of mine mentioned, it is very much a reminiscent drive down memory lane to books my 14/16 year old self read. it's been a while and i must say, it felt nice. and as silly as this sounds, i appreciated the fact that the book could paint me the familiar feelings of 'young love' again. the naivety, the stubborness, the eargerness, the 'i-don't-care-if-the-world-is-against-me,-i-love-him-and-i-would-do-ANYTHING-for-him, he-is-the-reason-i-breathe'. so, next thing i did?

... bought 'new moon'. the verdict: i wasn't too fond of it. in fact, 1/2 of the book became a wee bit tiresome to read. maybe i was biased, considering edward pretty much disappeared 3/4 off the pages of the book. i don't know. i was on the verge of regretting having purchase new moon, thinking perhaps i should have left at my most satisfied- 'twilight'.

... but damn you, curiosity. next thing i knew i was googling the saga's ending. i was again.. left satisfied. well, i will say this: i will be completing my saga collection. one way or another, that is, because damn you, bookstores here in KK for being incompetent at restocking popular collections. how is that possible? sigh. i should probably blame myself for being joining the twilight scene a tad bit late. everyone i asked merely responded plainly, "wasn't that last year?"

fine.

oh, and happy chinese new year :)

love & war

2009-01-17T03:35:00.001+10:00

is love a constant silent battle of who loves who more?

sleepless.

2009-01-14T03:46:00.005+10:00

one of the many songs that keep you company at 4am.

P/S: i have decided to fly back to KK for the entire month of february. despite how homesick i am & how much i rave about loving home, i don't know why there's this teeny tiny part of me that feels heavy to leave brisbane again.

P/P/S: i realise how much of a people pleaser i am.

P/P/P/S: i blame 'grey's anatomy' for this blog entry at 4am. damn free tv shows online.

* * *

paris or something like it

2009-01-12T00:54:00.004+10:00

yesterday, it was 'paris' @milton. my 2nd time there but this time, i fell in love. that's the 'eiffel tower' .. pretty right? :)

and this is 'la dolce vita' (a cafe built right under the tower), which also means 'the sweet life'.. (i googled. and found out that it's italian- funny considering the eiffel tower but oh well.)

one word: yum.

* * *

might be flying back to KK again for the entire month of february. still very much undecided though. anyway- i have to say, new year 2009 is looking swell from where i stand. today i found out something that pretty much help put a big pink bow on my 2008. here's something random my friend txted me the other day, "any day not spent 6 feet under is a good day". LOL!

sleep.

2009-01-10T01:46:00.002+10:00

some nights, i find it difficult to sleep. 6AM and still i toss and turn in bed. a snapshot of dawn greeting me. anyways, i decided to revisit paulo coelho's 'the alchemist' but instead of picking up the book, i resorted to the audiobook instead. i know i'm spoilt that way but the strange thing is, i never realised how much i miss having bedtime stories read to me. now that i'm done with 'the alchemist', i'm going to "read" 'brida'. hope it's as marvelous as the previous. oh, rain's new album, 'rainism' is out. i am in love. especially with this track. have a great weekend guys :)

I Love - Rain (Bi)

2009.

2009-01-05T23:42:00.006+10:00

happy new year 2009 everyone.
i had an awesome countdown! weee!
here's to (hopefully) an awesome one yeah?

P/S: here's a song. a new song i find comfort in. couldn't help but smile listening to this song. just thought i'd share it with the world :)

better today - ne-yo

empty streets

2008-12-17T23:26:00.004+10:00

i just realised that i'm leaving for kota kinabalu in less than a week. home again, at last. i miss my parents a lot. a lot more than ever before. i can't wait to sleep in my own bed, in my room again. catch up with old friends over a glass of teh tarik madras ping. can't wait to play catch with my dogs... nah, just kidding, they don't know how to play catch- all they know is to sleep and eat. can't wait to be home.

and then i realised that the next time i'm back in brisbane would be the new year 2009. these next few days are the last days of 2008 that i'd be spending in brisbane. my last memories of 2008. it's funny. i've never really bothered much about memories and countdown to a new year before till this year. 2008. funny, funny, funny. sometimes i feel overwhelmed with everything that's happened this year, from start till end. to tell you the truth, i still very much am. this year, more than ever, i've learnt a lot. i've felt a lot. i've wronged, a few. would i go back and do things any different...? i honestly don't know. my biggest ordeal of 2008? circumstances. things, in the way. chan, my guy best friend labels me, "victim of circumstances".

* * *

the above was written last week, by the way.
flying home tomorrow :)

i just realised that every time i fly back to brisbane, this year, i always dread it. there's always something terrifying that awaits me. so you know what, i think.. i think i'm pretty much done with 2008. i am done. it was.. bittersweet.

give/take

2008-12-16T02:51:00.002+10:00

you'd be surprised how many people forget to 'take' because they focus so much on 'giving' when it comes to relationships. maybe that's one reason why people give up so easily. they think they can't give enough / give too much & expect the same in return.

baggage

2008-12-14T04:22:00.002+10:00

emotional baggage. like baggage, literally. people check them in before boarding their flight. and when you're up flying in the air with someone else, it's all hassle-free & out of sight. but once you hit rock bottom, these 'baggages' still belong to someone, awaiting claim.

another saturday

2008-12-07T01:38:00.003+10:00

still down with the cold. have been dry coughing for 3-4 entire days now- ugh, my head hurts from all coughing. finally got around to getting my ass out of the house for a bit of fresh air. 1/2 way to the grocery, it started drizzling. what else can go wrong.. !? sigh, just hoping those raindrops don't add another 2-3 days of sickness :(

recently found a passion for wrapping gifts. the other day i felt like a 5 year old again, but this time i wasn't wowing at barbie dolls. this time, it was all about ribbons, gift wraps, boxes and all the cute tinsels you could ever imagine- in 134823401 colours, designs & shapes! hmm, sometimes i think people forget about presentation. it's not the main agenda, but it is nonetheless, significant. i feel like scrap-booking now... but what about, i wonder. we'll see.

found another song. it's such a hopelessly romantic sappy love song. lol now you see why you can't blame me for loving it. i am a hopeless romantic. don't you go snickering- you know deep down the world needs more people like that! ;)

a beautiful liar

2008-12-05T20:29:00.002+10:00

i don't get some people. their words contradict .. continuously.

finally, closure

2008-12-05T14:09:00.004+10:00

i love discovering new songs. and today i found the perfect break up song, for then..

I saw you
You saw me
That's when I needed you
You needed me
I kissed you
You kissed me
And thought forever yeah
We'd always be
Well I like you
You like me
Seems that we fit so perfectly
You make me feel worthy
And I've let you take care of me

* * *

There is nothing we can do to get past this
Nothing you could say
Baby please don't fret
Our time has moved passed us
I love you
You love me
Is it possible we love differently
You need me but I need to
Feel strong baby without you

a deeper meaning

2008-12-04T21:31:00.000+10:00

DEREK: "I don't... I just... That day, when you came out of the water ...trying to breathe for you. I love you, and I want you, but I don't know what to... you didn't swim. You didn't swim and you know how to. And I don't know if I can... I don't know if I wanna keep trying to breathe for you."

; grey's anatomy

22

2008-12-04T19:22:00.006+10:00

i swear i'm wiser now. .. or maybe i wish i was. i shall be! here's to self-fulfilling prophecies! :)

thank you everyone who made me smile & made my day extra special.
(in no particular order)

mummy & daddy. sherlene. selina. sherwynna. cyrus. nanda. derek. leon. yumi. sherman. dayze. michelle may.uncle lee. cynthia. evan. kenny. jason foo. jason phoon. aunty betty. uncle john. joanne. jason. mymy. eudo. chan. sharon. edgar. vivienne. jenet. aaron. nazman. fazila. chau. flo. ivan. chung pui ling. anne. reza. sarah-jane. wenard. melissa. allen. masood. mouzam. raja.

and if i left you out, let me know & i apologise in advance!
i *heart* yous.

revelations

2008-12-04T18:56:00.004+10:00

it's funny how even after years or months after a break up, you still learn something new about the past relationship once in a while. something that you makes you all pissy & bitter, something sweet that gets you smiling on the memory and something that makes you go, "bullocks, i think i made a mistake!" well, rare case that last one.

'sorry'

2008-12-01T22:33:00.004+10:00

you know sometimes when people say they're sorry after a break up for what they did to you? and sometimes you don't even know whether or not you should be grateful that they acknowledge the fact that they hurt you or cry over the fact that they're sorry that the both of you ever happened. either way, it hurts like hell.

once is forever

2008-11-30T21:02:00.004+10:00

In My arms
In my mind all the time
I wanna keep you right by my side till I die
I'm gonna hold you down and make sure everything is right with you
You can never go wrong if you
LET ME HOLD YOU
Down like a real friends supposed to
I'm trying to show you the life of somebody like you should be living

OOOooHHhh Baby Baby
You could never go wrong
If you let me hold you

omg! coming across songs that once got me so hooked! i used to imagine a guy singing this song to me! heard it again today while the girls and i (in the living room again) were playing that question game where we let someone's playlist go on random to answer our questions. apparently sherlene thinks her playlist is on a roll. .. i secretly agree. a little. lol. anyway, back to 'let me hold you'.. weeee, so sexy & sweet :)

solace

2008-11-30T01:30:00.005+10:00

after every devastating break up, we're so convinced, "i'll never love that away again". you know what, you're right. what's between you and him/her is special and it belongs in a red heart-shaped box buried somewhere deep in your memories. no one can ever take that away. but i promise you, you will love again and honestly, that's all that matters :)

P/S: talked to one of my exes just now. we webcam-ed a little while. the way he talked, looked, sounded .. it was exactly as i remembered. you know how you just know when someone's changed. but he didn't. or at least i didn't get the vibe. he said i did. a lot. and the funny thing is, i agree. if i asked the 'me' exactly one year ago to meet the 'me' now, it would be like 2 strangers meeting for the first time. hmm, but i think, honestly, if you dug deeper, there's still fragments of the old 'me' and i'm glad. anyway, it was nice to talk to a familar face again. the same person i once seeked solace with. i'm glad we can talk like old times. i'm glad we both got out of 'us' okay and we can smile and laugh about it now. i wish nothing but the best for him. i am eternally grateful that our paths crossed.

another satisfaction / change

2008-11-29T20:10:00.008+10:00

uni results are out
......

HELL FREAKIN' YEAAAAAAAAAAH!
NO passes this sem because i scored straight credits!
(ok, fine, no distinctions but HELL YEAH!!!)

i shall bask SOBERLY in this moment of happiness, thank you ;)

life's been pretty .. hmm. i wouldn't say perfect but it's not miserable either. on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being miserable) .. i'd say it's a 6+. can't believe 2008 is coming to an end already and i'm leaving my 21 year old memories behind soon. it just suddenly dawned on me; things can change so abruptly, whether or not you're ready. i can't figure out if i welcome or hate change. i'm just pretty much terrified. this is the one year that i've had the most people walk in and out of my life; friends and ex boyfriends. after the past 3 years of calm waters, it makes one harder to accept changes. but it's okay, i'm learning to embrace; the lessons in life. although i can't deny that there are days when i just bury myself in bed and turn to my ipod to lift up my spirits.

satisfaction

2008-11-29T06:44:00.004+10:00

omg. i forgot how damn good it feels to get what i want. it was beyond finger-lickin' satisfying, i tell you. & i had awesome fun club hoppin' few hours ago. basically the 2 places we crashed was 'the bank' and 'the met' in the valley. good music but 'the bank' was soooo stuffy. 'the met' still ranks high on my list :)

regret

2008-11-28T21:39:00.004+10:00

was lazing about in the living room with sherlene today. 'one tree hill' was on tv. this quote got me thinking. i concur. going out tonight, fingers crossed to having fun. here's to living life! ;)

PEYTON:
I know Alzheimer’s is this terrible disease but at least Mel doesn’t have to live with his regrets. You know? And all the mistakes he made and the stuff he wishes he could take back.

MOUTH:
Yeah, that’s true. But I say give me regret as long as I can keep the good memories too. We all have regrets, Peyton. But some of us still have enough time to erase them.

the key

2008-11-28T05:50:00.009+10:00

i am looking for love.
i know i deserve this.
& i don't expect to find it in you, immediately.
but i would like to know that we're both searching for the same thing.
& i will stay hopeful that by the end of the day, we'll eventually find it.
in all that we've been through together
& in each other.

i would love to know that you're in this for the long haul.
that i am the one person you long for.
i want someone who will fight for me, for us.
yes, we won't be perfect and maybe, just maybe
there will come a day when you are the reason i cry
but i'd love to know that you will also be the one
who will make me smile the same tears away.

if you cannot
then you are not 'the one' for me.

'the one' isn't ready made to perfection for me.
it is 'the one' who strives to perfect himself for me.

P/S: summer classes are worst :(

shame on you

2008-11-27T02:29:00.004+10:00

"Oho!' said the pot to the kettle;
"You are dirty and ugly and black!
Sure no one would think you were metal,
Except when you're given a crack."
"Not so! not so! kettle said to the pot;
" 'Tis your own dirty image you see;
For I am so clean -without blemish or blot-
That your blackness is mirrored in me"

-"Maxwell's Elementary Grammar" school book copyright 1904

vs.

2008-11-26T22:45:00.004+10:00

to: empty-box boyfriends
"i'm not materialistic, i'm just a girlfriend"

let go

2008-11-26T03:57:00.006+10:00

maybe falling in love is like pushing someone behind a swing. you push them away with all your might. the harder the better. you let them fly so that for a brief second, they could touch the sky & perhaps when they finally come back down, they'll crash deeper into you.

love letter

2008-11-26T00:44:00.002+10:00

dear hate,
are you as passionate as i am?
love.

the one

2008-11-25T04:25:00.002+10:00

for now, you are not 'the one'.
but that doesn't mean you will never be.

strangers..

2008-11-24T19:53:00.006+10:00

.. once. friends, never.

P/S: moi loves her new layout very much. i reckon pink & gray are a marriage made in heaven ;)